Monday, 13 April 2009

With a "ha ha ha" and a "ho ho ho"

We went to a Comedy Show!

Most of the day was spent relaxing and watching television - "Sex and the City" mostly. There was a Celtic match against Hearts and they drew 1-1 which wasn't very good. The game kicked off and Celtic scored in 35 seconds! That was pretty good but saddening because they didn't score again. I needed to be at the game - then they would have won.

Anyway that night we went to The Stand which is Glasgow's stand-up comedy club. I haven't ever been to a stand-up comedy club before - even though there's one at home. So we got ready (I was wearing my new dress. Yes, I bought a new dress I'm terrible) and Julia curled my hair. We picked up Vinny and met Andrea there. Doors opened at 7:30 and we were there to get a good seat because if you get there later they don't just not let you in you just have to stand all night. Is there some sort of fire hazard risk here? You think they would have a maximum occupancy for this underground cavern of laughs but they didn't. They kept squishing more people in. We got a little table and squished in and got some drinks. I was ready and eager for the show to start but it didn't start until 9! An hour and a half of drinking and then they send the most amateur comedian out first. How is that not sending the pig to the slaughter?

The show consists of a compere and 4 comedians. After another drink the compere came out and warmed up the audience. By warmed up I mean he picked on the people sitting closest to the stage relentlessly. Glad we didn't sit there! Julia and I were disappointed that he didn't ask if anyone was here from further than Britain. Oh well. He was too busy mocking the guy in the front row.

Out came the first comedian. He a lot of good jokes but his timing was a bit off and I think he got spooked by the hecklers. There were signs everywhere in the club saying "Please don't talk" but not heckle! After drinking for an hour and a half the audience were not very kind. The comedian knew it but at least he didn't give up. He even said "Wow you guys really aren't going for this material are you?" He did have some funny jokes though. One was that he saw some graffiti in some public toilets which really surmised Glasgow's population - "Homos are gay". I laughed. I felt pretty bad for this poor guy and eventually he left and Julia and Christine were saying that they were surprised the audience just didn't boo him off the stage! Yikes! I was waiting for a bottle to fly by my head and smash him in the face. Or some drunk person to lumber onstage and pull out a knife. Given that knife crimes are highest here in Glasgow in all of Europe. Yippee!

That guy left, compere came out and admitted he was drunk, we all laughed and then there was a 15 minute break. More drinks! This place must make LOADS of money you would think they would put in more seats or renovate the place to accommodate more people or something.

Break over. The next comedian was this American woman who was very funny. She made a hilarious joke about the crayola crayons and how there was a "flesh" colour and the controversy surrounding it. The colour was changed to "peach" but in the south of America to "superior". Ha ha. Very witty woman. Compere and then another man. This guy was my favourite. My favourite part of his act wasn't a hilarious observation but just an anecdote that every Glaswegian could relate to. Some guy was in the cinema and clearly wasn't enjoying the film because they stomped down the front of the cinema and went "This film's SHITE. See yerr laterrr!" I'm laughing about now as I'm typing. Julia was like "Yeah that would happen that's why it's funny". Oh my. These Scottish folk.
Another break and then the final comedian. He was pretty funny too. I mean I had a good laugh several times over. One of the guys in the front row had obviously had way too much to drink because he actually fell asleep! Of course the comedian saw this as an opportunity to mock this guy. It was funny. Later that night as we were driving back we saw him puking on the sidewalk and his friends walking away. It was a very fun evening and I think I'll give the one at home a shot at some point. Tomorrow is Easter and I hear the bunny calling!

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